What I lost
by curiousivy8
Summary: Maka, Black Star, Kid and the gang are fighting a monster when Maka is severely injured, and it's possible she'll die. It's Soul's worst nightmare, and his world is coming crashing down. This is the story of everyone's guilt that they couldn't save her from this, and them remembering all of the good and bad times they had with Maka. Will she recover? Will Soul confess?
1. When I lost you

******Hellloooo everybody! I was originally writing another chapter for Truth or Dare gone wrong, and this idea kept bugging me. SO. Please read, and if you like it and want me to write more chapters, then review. It's a songfic based of off Broken by Seether, a terrific song. Thanks to LoveOneLoveAll for helping me with writers block!  
Disclaimer: Don't own Soul Eater. Never have. If I did, then it would be on its eighth season already! So, Please enjoy my new story (hopefully not a one shot.) **

Chapter 1

Soul's POV

I knew we couldn't win this fight. Maka, Kid, Liz, Patti, Black Star, Tsubaki and I were all fighting the same monster that Friday night. It was dark, the bloody moon grinning high up in the sky. A dry wind blew, sweeping up dust and trash from the dimly lit streets. Streetlights struggled to glow, giving us as much dull light as they could as we exhausted ourselves. I heard Maka breathing heavily; sweat dripping off her forehead as she skid to a stop. I felt my blade drag against the ground, screeching horribly as it cut against the cement. She was tired and wasn't going to last much longer. I could see Black Star on a rooftop, growling at the creature. He had a deep gash on his left arm, and blood was pouring down his face, dripping off his face and onto the roof. Tsubaki was a ninja sword, and I could see his grip tightening on her handle. He was trembling, not out of fear, but out of exhaustion. Kid was standing under a streetlight, Liz and Patti death cannons, wrapping themselves halfway up his arms. He was in a defensive position, blood was dripping out of his mouth, and he was panting heavily. We weren't going to last much longer. We had been fighting for over a half hour, and everyone had been doing soul resonance. There was so much physical and mental strain on everyone. Even all seven of us couldn't bring the damn thing down. It had a name, but I didn't care enough to remember it when Maka told me. The thing was one hideous monster though. It had a humanoid figure, but it stood about seven feet tall at the minimum; with no hair, but brown, slimy skin that was smooth but scaly at the same time. It had six fingers on each hand, long, yellow claws at the end of each with disgusting, needle-like teeth to match. Its face was wrinkled and deformed, with no nose and a gaping hole in the middle of its face, taking place of its mouth. It smiled a rotting smile in an insane kind of way, like Black Star on a sugar high. The eyes on the thing were red, like mine. But its eyes were cruel and sinister, the kind of eyes you would see on a killer that knows what it's done and loves it. Just looking at the creature made my skin crawl. And the way it walked… It was like a puppet on strings. The thing walked with a strange jerk, its head twitching, its arms jerking around at random times. The thing dragged its feet as it flew at us. I winced as it crashed into Kid, smashing the boy into a storefront. Sliding to the ground, he started shooting rapidly, but the shots seemed to go right through him. Black Star jumped down form his perch above, slicing and hacking the freak as he fell, leaving cuts up and down his back and legs. It was incredible; I've never heard him so quiet before. He had finally shut up. It was a miracle. Just then the thing realized that someone was chopping him up from behind and it angrily brought its hand around, slamming into Black Star, throwing him into some crates in front of a market. I heard him curse weakly as he tried to get up. Maka seized the chance and came storming up the street at the thing, swinging me down, decapitating the thing. Everyone stopped and watched in what seemed to be slow motion as its head rolled of off its shoulders and onto the ground, bouncing twice before coming to a stop. Black Star winced as Tsubaki helped him up out of the demolished crates, and Liz and Patti were bent down next to Kid. He got up, walking over to the head, examining it with interest. Black Star began laughing manically as he watched the headless body fall to the ground in defeat.

"It's about damn time that bastard fell before its god!" Black Star yelled, pointing his finger at the sky, and wincing at the effort it took to do so. I rolled my eyes as I changed out of weapon form; toning him out as he yelled about how awesome he was, every so often flinching as he did something that hurt his already bruised body. Tsubaki eventually made him sit down and shut it. I looked at Maka as she yawned, sinking to the ground.

"That was exhausting…" She groaned as she looked at me with her pretty emerald eyes. "When we get home, I'm taking a bath then going to sleep, and I don't want you to wake me up until next month." I laughed, flashing a toothy grin as I motioned for her to get up. She shook her head and lay on the ground, refusing to get up. Kid laughed from his spot by the body as she pouted like a toddler. I shrugged and began walking towards my bike.

"Whatever Maka, I'll just leave without you!" I yelled over my shoulder. Sure enough, she bounced up, waiving her arms.

"Wait! No, get back here!" She yelled as she skipped over. I chuckled to myself. _Works every time. _Suddenly, something moved from behind her. Black Star shouted as Kid fell back, tripping over himself to get away from the body as it began to move. It shook its shoulders, stretching so that his head hit the ground behind him. Its feet dragged him over to his head, which it picked up with limp hands and bloody fingers. It shoved the head onto its shoulders, making it loll unpleasantly. Nobody was celebrating anymore. Kid and Black Star went back into their defensive positions, Tsubaki as a chain scythe, Liz and Patti as their normal pistol form. Maka didn't realize anything was going on, and was still skipping towards me. She must have noticed something was wrong by the look on my face, and stopped. I could hear her ask what was wrong, but I didn't have time to answer. I saw where the creature was heading. So did Kid and Black Star. They started yelling at Maka to get out of the way, to run. The damn thing was coming to kill Maka. She started to turn, trying to figure out what had everyone freaking out. I started running, fully intending to take whatever hit the thing was going to throw at Maka, Hoping and praying I could get there in time, so Maka wouldn't get hurt, so I could save her…

But I was too late.

She stood there, frozen in place, realizing too late that the monster had revived. Her eyes were calm and sad as she slowly looked down towards the six claws piercing through her stomach. Everyone froze, watching in horror as her hands went to the gaping wound through her middle. She didn't cry. But I did. Her eyes closed, and she went limp.

And  
I  
Watched  
Her  
Fall.

I knew we couldn't win this fight. I just didn't know what we all would lose, in the end.

**********Ooooh, a cliffhanger! How awful of me! Anyways, please review. Thanks you so much guys, you are awesome!**


	2. I feel broken

**Hii everybody! So, I had surgery today and I feel like total shit, mostly becasue I'm starving, and I got bored of doing nothing in this damn hospital room. Seriously! It's so... blank. And boring. But anyways, Keep cheerful. I'm working on it. Anyways, I'm bored and I decided to update some of the stories I feel I've been neglecting. I picked this one first, since it's kind of ironic. I'm in a hospital. She's in a hospital. Well yeah. But the last chapter I ended with a total cliffhanger, which is just how I roll. That's how i end almost every chapter. The SoMa I put into here! It's epicly SoMa.** ***GASPS* OMD Did you know that in this chapter-**

**Maka: OH MY DEATH SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE YOU GIVE AWAY THE ENTIRE CHAPTER!**

**Me: Oops. I have a problem with that, don't I? Stupid 15 year old girl talk.**

**Maka: *sighs* Yeah. Anyways, who's doing the disclaimer this time?**

**Me: Well, I think I promised it to Black Star at some point, so let's do him. Where is he? Hey Black Star! Come here lil' buddy!**

**Black Star: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLIN LITTLE?! I AM THE AMAZING BLACK STAR! YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MAN AS BIG AS ME! What? Oh yeah, the disclaimer. I can do that. Curiousivy8 DOESN'T OWN SOUL EATER. BUT I DO! MWUAHAHAHA-**

**Maka: Black Star doesn't own Soul Eater, and Neither does Curiousivy8, who just learned why we don't let Black Star do the disclaimer...**

**Me: O.O He's worse then my twin bro on sugar... Anyways, please enjoy my story, and afterwards review, cuz then I have something to cheer me up :D Of course, I just swore at least four times in the intro alone. That helped me vent! Anyways, keep up the hoodoo voodoo magic stuff, cuz I'm not going anywhere!**

Chapter 2

Soul's POV

I had stayed the night in the infirmary, sleeping in a hard plastic chair beside Maka's bed with my head resting next to her side. I had buried my head into my arms, as I felt too ashamed in myself to look at my broken and battered Meister. I frowned as I remembered what had happened the night before.

_Flashback _

"MAKA!" I screamed as I ran to her side. Kid had recovered from the shock quickest. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed the first person he clicked on in his contact list, not even caring who it was. It rang for a few seconds, devouring precious seconds.

"Come on… Come on…"

_"Hello?"_ It was Marie. She had given him her number for emergency use, and Kid was pretty sure this counted as an emergency.

"Marie! Y-you need to come here, now! Maka… she's fading fast. Bring Stein, o-or Sid or whoever else is with you! W-we were all fighting, a-and we thought we killed it but it revived and it… it stabbed Maka…"

"_WHAT?! OH MY DEATH I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!" _

"With Stein or Nygus?"

"_RIGHT AFTER I GET STEIN!"_

Liz and Patti transformed along with Tsubaki, who had become an emotional wreck. Patti stood there, looking at Maka with tears in her eyes as Liz buried her face in her hands, whispering no. Black Star balled up his fists and started yelling, punching whatever he could reach. I had sunk to my knees next to Maka, picking her up bridal style. Maka's blood had begun to pool into a crimson puddle on the ground where she had laid, staining her clothes and splashing onto my sneakers. The entire thing was a bloody, gory horror scene. Within seconds my clothes were drenched, along with hers. Blood dripped down, adding to the disgusting puddle.  
I looked down at her wound and instantly regretted it. There was a bloody hole through her stomach, cutting down to her ribs, which shone a bright white in all of the red before becoming stained. I held her tightly, tuning out what was going on around me. Why wasn't anyone helping? I heard Maka whimper and I flinched, hating to see her hurt in any way.

"Soul…" She mumbled. "That hurt…" I was amazed that she was still conscious with all the blood she had lost. Where was Stein or Marie or Sid or even Spirit for Death's sake? Didn't one of them always show up and save them when they couldn't save themselves? I heard Kid yelling into the phone at someone, and Black Star cursing the world as something crashed to the ground. Crashing down… that's how I felt as I held my dying Meister. Like the world was crashing down…

Stein, Marie, and Spirit were there in record time. Marie began calming down the other students, gathering bits and pieces of the story from the hysterical kids. Stein ran over with Spirit, taking Maka out of my hands. I saw him examine the wound, his glasses flashing dangerously as he frowned.

"This isn't good... and Death be damned, she's still conscious after losing all that blood. Well, Maka Albarn, you are quite the fighter." Stein said, the most deathly serious anyone has ever heard him- and that's saying something. He may not look it, but he cared for these students. And what had happened to Maka… it was extremely serious, amazing she wasn't dead, much less conscious.

"Spirit, help me get her out of here." Before he left, he half turned to me. "I'm not going to sugar-coat it. Maka might die Soul. Tell her what you need to before she does." I looked up at him through blurry eyes. _What does he mean by that?_

_Flashback ends._

I knew what he meant now. Turns out, half the academy knew I loved my Meister, and Stein was no exception. I bit my lip at the guilt I felt. I was supposed to be protecting her, and I had let her down. The battle from Friday was haunting me. It was… traumatizing. You'd never know the feeling. Yesterday we had the day off, even though it was a Friday. We had taken up the mission the day before, so that was pre-set. That morning, I was watching T.V and trying to work up the courage to ask her out, and then I was holding her while she died. She was more then my Meister, which made it worse for me. She was my best friend and I loved her, damn it. Now she was hurt. People kept telling me I couldn't have done anything to have saved her from this, but I fully blame myself. I didn't get there quick enough. If I did, this wouldn't have happened. She wouldn't have felt the pain I always try so desperately to steal away from her. I shook my head, trying to erase the horrible memories of all the times I've failed to do so. Think of… that morning. That Friday morning wasn't that bad. Actually, that morning was pretty cool. I smiled at the memory.

_Flashback_

"Sooouuull!" Maka called as she skipped into the living room. She went straight to the couch where I was sitting, flopping onto it like a rag doll. I blushed slightly as she laid her head in my lap, looking up at me.

"Yeah, what?" I responded dryly, covering my damn shyness with a harsh indifference that I knew she hated, and she knew was a cover up for my damn shyness. I smiled slightly as she pouted and crossed her arms.

"I'm bored. And so are you. So, let's go do something! We have the entire day to go before we have to do that mission, so let's have fun!" She responded cheerfully. I rolled my eyes.

"You don't know that I'm bored. Why don't you go read a book or something?"

"I've already read a book today, three in fact, and yes you are bored, I can see it written all over your face. Now come on, aren't YOU always the one trying to get ME out of my comfort zone?" Damn, she knew me wayy to well. I debated, wondering if I could get away with what I really wanted to do. I've wanted to kiss Maka for a while; maybe I could do that to waste time… Oh who was I kidding? That was never going to happen. She widened her eyes slightly and frowned. I took one look at her face in that damn sad expression and felt myself cave in. Like I said, she knew me wayy to well.

"Alright, what do you want to do?" I asked in my cold drawl. She popped up, cheering happily.

"Thank you Soul!" She said, pecking me on the cheek without a second thought, making me turn a bright scarlet. She giggled when she noticed.

"Well, I can do that, since you're my bestie." She teased. "If anyone else did that, I'd smash a dictionary into their cranium." She added matter-of-factly. She tugged my hand as she began to rattle of all the things we could do. Go see a movie, the park, practice fighting skills (That's my girl), hang out with Black Star and Tsubaki, tons of other things I wasn't listening to. Maka had kissed me on the cheek. I wasn't going to hear anything that was going on for a while. And she said if anyone else did it, she would give them a concussion. YES!

"We'll do whatever you want, okay?" I said simply. She thought a moment, but quickly agreed. She ran to her room to quickly get changed, but she walked back as she thought of something.

"You're one cool guy, Soul." She said, leaning around the corner, smiling as she complimented me. She had a way with words, didn't she? She had already gotten what she wanted and was still sweet talking me. Maybe she liked me back. I decided right then to ask her out… later that night. Or the day after….Or the day after that…

_Flashback ends_

I should have done it right then and there. I could've kissed her already. What if she died? Then I wouldn't get the chance to. I couldn't handle her dying. It was… just not going to happen. The room was silent, which made sense, as Maka and I were the only ones there, other then Nygus or Stein popping in every once in a while to make sure she was ok. I've noticed that ever since Maka had gotten hurt, which hadn't been very long, everything was different. Darker. Quieter. And nobody liked it. Actually, everyone hated it. The world seemed to become a dull place to live without little things that she had added to it. Her smile, laugh, and the way she talked and frowned when she was thinking, how she scolded me… Hell, I even missed her Maka-Chops. I felt tears forming. What if I never got the chance to tell her how much I loved the way she laughed, even if she was laughing at me? I was so confused... and conflicted, which reminded me of something else.

_Flashback_

"SOUL EATER EVANS TELL ME!"

"No."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO?"

"I mean no. Where are you having comprehension problems? There's only two letters to get confused with…"

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL ME!"

"You do realize that you just told me to do two very conflicting things at once, right?" I get why she was upset with me. I was ignoring her and being stubborn and generally acting like a total bastard, which really ruined my whole cool-guy image. I wasn't trying to be a jerk, but I was… having family issues. My brother had a concert in some prissy city around here, and my parents were coming to see him. And in the process, they all wanted to see me. After my crappy childhood with them, I didn't want them anywhere near me. It made me frustrated, and Maka had realized something was wrong about five seconds after me reading the letter. Then I started acting cold, and the argument broke out.

"I don't care, now stop acting like a jerk and tell me already!" She shouted, throwing her hands up into the air.

"Stop yelling, you're giving me a headache." Bad move. I didn't have enough time to duck out of the way of the book she threw at my head- scratch that, she _chucked _it at my head.

"Now I really have a headache."

"Why do I feel like you won't trust me?"

"Most likely because I have trust issues. Are we done yet?" She walked up to me and punched me in the shoulder- hard.

"If you do want to get into my business, I wouldn't start my abusing me…" I growled as I rubbed my sore shoulder.

"Tell me. Now." She switched tactics, going from hysterical to deadly in three seconds flat. I looked at her, and caved in. She would have found out eventually. When I had finished, she stared at me. For a second I was certain she was going to punch me in the nose. Instead, she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly, surprising me.

"You bastard, why didn't you tell me…" She trailed off as she buried her face into my neck. Well, if she was trying to make me feel better, she was certainly succeeding. I wrapped my arms around her tiny waist and hugged her back.

"I'm sorry… It's kind of stupid, isn't it?" I said sheepishly. She pulled back slightly, not far enough to let go, nut far enough to look me in the eyes.

"Whatever problems we have, we'll get through _together. _You're not just me Weapon, you're my best friend. It's you and me against the world. I promise."

_Flashback ends_

I loved how she held me then. She was warm, and I remembered how soft her skin was and how her hair smelt like strawberries. I had really wanted to kiss her, but I didn't. I stated wincing at the happy memory. Ever since she got hurt, I had felt empty inside. The only thing I felt was a burning pain in my chest, like someone took a knife and hacked my heart out. But I was numb. Numb except for my heart burning. I wonder if this is what she felt after that fight with Crona… oh damn I hope not. I felt Maka shifting, fingers twisting into my hair. I peeked out, hoping she was awake. She wasn't. Damn. I closed my eyes again; her fingers were still twisted into my hair. For some reason, Maka loved my hair. She loved my eyes and teeth too. She's really the only person that was never bothered by the fact I was albino. She did question it, though. I smiled at another memory.

_Flashback_

Maka walked up to me as was brushing my teeth. After spitting, I smiled at her toothily, making her giggle. She walked up behind me in the mirror and stood on a small stool, raising her height so that she was almost a foot taller than me. Maka smiled as well, showing all her teeth, trying to get her biggest grin as big as my smile. She failed horribly. In the end we both ended up cracking up at how stupid we both looked. She poked me as she thought a moment.

"Soul, why is your hair white?" She asked me as she ran her fingers through the gravity-defying spikes. I frowned. Maka was really the only person to care.

"I'm albino. You know that, Maka." I responded. I stared at myself in the mirror. I hated being albino, I really did. It made me different in a bad way in my opinion. Maka didn't think so. She thought it made my look really cute, which made me mad because I was supposed to be cool, not cute.

"Why are your eyes red?" She asked.

"I just told you, I'm albino." I said frowning, starting to get irritated. Why was she asking me this? She knew all the answers anyways.

"Soul, why are your teeth so sharp?" She asked, showing me all of her normal teeth and pulling back the corners of my mouth to reveal my spiky ones as a demonstration. I growled slightly in annoyance.

"I don't know, why aren't yours? Seriously, why the hell do you care?" I rolled my eyes at her. She just smiled at me and buried her face into all my hair, inhaling deeply. I felt her face drop down next to my ear.

"I don't get why you don't like it. Personally, I love it." Her breath was warm on my neck. She hopped of her stool and skipped away and into the kitchen to make breakfast. I looked at myself in the mirror. For a second, I had thought she was going to say you. I love you. I wish she would have. I wish _I _would have.

_Flashback ends_

Eh, better late then never.

"Hey Maka," I said quietly, finally raising my head to look at her."You wouldn't know this, because I never told you, and I don't know if you can hear me, and honestly? I don't even care if you feel the same way or not. I've always wanted to tell you, because I've always known that someday I'd lose you." I saw her frown slightly at that part. At least now I know she could hear me somehow, conscious or not. I took a deep breath and continued. "I know you don't like to think about that and that even though you want me to become a Death Scythe really badly, you still really don't want to let me go. I know that, even if you don't tell me so. But then again, I didn't tell you I feel exactly the same way. I don't want you to feel pain, and I don't want you to be sad or scared or lonely. I've felt like that all my life. Lonely. But you changed that for me, and you can't leave me alone now, just as I'm learning I don't have to be alone anymore. If you leave me, Maka, ask Death if you can bring a friend, because I love you Maka Albarn, and I'm not letting you go without a fight. I'm a dumb bastard for not telling you sooner, and I wish I would have, because looking back, I think you may have loved me too." I laid my head back down. "That's all."

I think I fell asleep for a little while, because when I woke up, there were students filling up the hallway. Maka's hand had gone back into my hair as I was pleased to see. Looking up, I saw Black Star leaning against the doorframe, looking slightly guilty. Tsubaki was standing behind him, her hands clasped behind her back and she was looking down in shame, refusing to show Soul her tear-stained face.

"H-hey Soul. Mind if I come in?" Black Star asked in a very un-Black Star like way. I just nodded. He stood by Maka's bed, leaning against the wall. "I'm sorry Soul. This wasn't supposed to happen…" He frowned and looked away. I glanced at him, remembering that he had known Maka as his friend a lot longer than any of us. Since they were little, they had always talked and played at the DWMA. I got up from my spot next to Maka and stretched for the first time since we arrived.

"I'm so sorry Soul! This is all my fault!" Tsubaki cried suddenly, dropping to her knees. Black Star winced slightly and knelt by her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. I just stood there, slightly suprised.

"Tsubaki, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine, not yours. I'm going to go get pop or coffee or… beer or something." I said. "I'll leave you guys for a little while." Tsubaki finally looked at me, and stared at me in a slightly confused way.

"Uh… Beer? We aren't even old enough to drink that." He asked. This wasn't the Black Star I knew. But I guess this was a special circumstance.

"Eh. It's a really bad trick I learned from Maka's dad." I sighed. "Beer takes away the pain. Spirit has a stash, and I know where it is. I'll just raid that." He thought a moment.

"Well, bring your god some." He said with a wave of his hand. He took my place in the chair as I walked out the door, Tsubaki kneeling by Maka's bed. I attracted a lot of sympathetic glances as I walked down the hallway. I really didn't care. I just put on my tough guy attitude and ignored them, hoping they didn't see I was completely and utterly broken on the inside. _Please Maka._ I said to myself. _Don't leave me- not yet._

**OMFD SOUL! I know I wrote it, but my imagination makes me cry sometimes. Who knew Soul could be so emotional? Next chapter, I'll do Black Star and Tsubaki's POV... I think. Hey, fun fact! The flashbacks originally started as drabbles, but I put them in here becasue they fit SO DAMN WELL, and they looked lonely and short. But no longer. ALSO! You can no longer complain about my chapters being to short, becasue this was AT LEAST 3000 words. That's good, right? SO YAY FOR LONG CHAPTERS! Update coming soon, reviews are MORE THAN APPRECTIATED! It's how I know I don't suck at writitng, so please review :D Thanks y'all, love you all! UPDATE YOUR STORIES AS WELL!**

**Your IVY child :D**


	3. Please?

**OMD! Black Star's Pov. This was SO much fun, because that's just Black Star. This chapter is full of pinky promises and little children and cuteness and a hint of BlaTsu. BTW guys, there won't be as many flashbacks. I think. Can you geuss what song I listened to when I wrote this? Black Star by Avril Lavigne! So ironic! *looks at how many reviews* HOLY SHEZZOS! 45? I feel so loved :D lol I went through them and almost all of them said NO SOUL, DON'T DRINK! Haha I was looking forward to hearing from all of you about that! Also, I have some replies to some of the reviews I've gotten:**

**Vivien G- AW! I know, right? Soul is so emotional in my imagination! The last part made me laugh though :D Oh hell no, nothing's too extreme when it comes to Soul Eater, am I right?**

**madason167- Glad to hear you liked my story :D There's no way I can stop writing this, just cuz it's so much fun. I'll try to update once every two weeks.**

**BLackstarluver132- TA-DA! Part three :D**

**The Holy Dead- lol I never used to finish my stories either. They either stopped at the climax or just kept going and going and going. THANK DEATH I grew out of it! In regards to your story idea, do you mind if I actually atke that and make it a whole new story? Let's say Maka had gotten hurt becuase Soul didn't manage to save her from... I don't know, some kid of monster that I'll make up, and she's recovering and as she is doing so Soul starts to doubt himself and then the rest of your idea. *hopeful face* :D**

**LoveOneLoveAll- haha I know right? Don't be like Spirit, Soul!**

**Thanks for reviewing! Lalalalala... I don't own Soul eater... YET.**

**Soul: You don't own Soul Eater. Ha, take that you basta-**

**Me: IVY-CHOP! *bashes ukulele over Soul's head***

**Soul: ... damn... that... ukulele...**

**Now read and review. **

I looked at Maka as she lay on the hospital bed as I waited for Soul to come back with beer or pop or water or whatever the hell he was getting. I blinked back unwelcome tears as I looked my first friend, one of my best friends, someone so close to me she felt like my SISTER, laying in a hospital, unconscious and broken… I remember so many things now that I was sitting here next to her, Tsubaki always at my side. Little things that I wouldn't normally notice, small things no one would think to miss until they're gone, like her laugh and her Maka chops and how she would stand with her shoulders back and a grin on her face as she got herself ready for a fight or a test or whatever life decided to throw at her. But what I remember most was her spunk. How she filled a room with her fiery attitude, how her bright green eyes would shine whenever she had an idea, her chin held high with pride.

Tsubaki lowered her head so that it lay on the hospital bed, not daring to take Maka's hand. I looked at Tsubaki softly as I realized that she could have been where Maka is. I don't know how Soul could deal with seeing his Meister like this. If this were Tsubaki, I would have broken down and cried, punching the walls and screaming at the top of my lungs, wondering why it couldn't have been me instead. Speaking of which, why couldn't it have been me instead? Maka didn't deserve something as awful as this. Maybe if it had been me instead of her taking the blow, I would have fared better. As strong and powerful as she may be, physically I'm on a whole different level.

But I didn't save her. I was careless and reckless and I hadn't thought to watch the body, and instead I had yelled about how awesome I was and stuff like that. I noticed the body moving to late, and ran to slow and didn't warn Maka fast enough. This felt so much like my fault.

I closed my eyes, and turned away, not being able to see Maka so helpless. Before I had Tsubaki with me, she had always been there for me. A memory surfaced from when I was six, and I smiled for the first time since the accident.

Flashback

"I AM GOD, THE RULER OF ALL MANKIND! BOW DOWN, PEASANTS! Wait, where are you guys going? No, don't leave yet, I haven't even shown you the main event!" I yelled from my perch on top of the monkey bars. I had somehow managed to climb across the monkey bars to swing myself up, balancing carefully on the monkey bars. I had only just began my rant of awesomeness to all of the kids on the playground when a bunch of parents began filling in and taking their kids by the hand and pulling them away from the playground, telling their children quietly to stay away from 'that delusional blue haired freak.' What delusional- oh. They meant me. The entire park was cleared and empty in a matter of minutes, thanks to all the over-protective parents. I felt my spirit crash slightly as I jumped down off of the monkey bars, landing with the grace of an assassin.

"I AM a god! They just don't get it…" I mumbled, kicking a rock with the toe of my boot. Ever since I had been taken in by the DWMA, I had decided I was going to become a god. It was sort of like a pride thing- if my parents had made a name for themselves as ruthless assassins, I would make a name for myself as a god, to show everyone that not everyone from the Star Clan was bad.

"Well, maybe you should surpass God before calling yourself one. Then they'd understand, right?" A little girls voice said from behind me. I whipped around in surprise, as I had thought the playground was deserted after my little show. A young girl, maybe a year or two younger than me stood proudly, a smile on her face. She had ash blonde hair up in tiny pigtails, green eyes shining. The girl had a white blouse covered by tattered blue overalls, big black boots clunking when she walked.

"YEAH! THANK YOU, LOYAL FOLLOWER!" I yelled, pointing at her happily. "Wait, who are you again? Why didn't you leave with your mom or dad like all the other kids?" The little girl clasped her hands behind her back, looking at her feet sadly.

"Oh. I'm Maka Albarn. Well, my mama is working late again, and my papa…" She trailed off. I instantly felt bad.

"Is your dad dead? Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, mine is too." I said in an effort to cheer my loyal follower up. She smiled slightly.

"No, my papa's not dead. You know how once a boy and a girl get married, they stay together forever?" I nodded. "Well, my Papa doesn't do that. He dances and hugs and kisses other ladies, and he lies about mama and me. He tells the ladies that mama is dead or left him or something and left me with him. Most of the time the ladies get all sad and give me candy, but it doesn't make me feel any better." OH. Now it all made sense. Her dad wasn't dead like mine- he cheats on her mom. That's low. I wonder if her family is breaking apart like mine did. After all, what kind of parents let their little kid wander around a park by themselves?

"You know, I can tell you and I are a lot alike." I said, putting my arm around her shoulder and offered her a grin. "Kids like us have to stick together. You and me against the world, okay?" Her eyes widened as a hopeful expression crossed her face.

"You mean it?" I nodded. "_Pinkie _promise?" She asked, holding up said finger. My eyes widened as well. A _pinkie promise? _Wow, she really must have trust issues to do something as serious as that (1)! But I held up my pinkie and crossed it with hers.

"Pinkie promise." I said solemnly. With smiles on our faces, we walked to the swings and played the day away.

_Flashback ends._

I smiled at how deathly serious we had been when we had made that pinkie promise, just because of how serious we had believed them to be. I had really meant it when I had said it was she and I against the world. I still do, even if we've let Tsubaki and Soul and Kid and Liz and Patti in as well. I wonder if Maka remembered that day at the park. She probably did. _DOES. She DOES. Not past tense, Black Star, she's still alive…_ I told myself sternly. But she might not be much longer… OH SHUT UP SELF! I frowned, nearly punching the wall in my own frustration. Tsubaki must have noticed, because she raised her sad face to look at me.

"Black Star, are you alright?" She asked softly. I gave in and punched the wall as hard as I could, leaving a dent the size of my head.

"No. I'm not alright…" I felt something trickling down my fingers as I realized that my knuckles were bleeding. I must of hit the wall wrong. Tsubaki sighed and took my hand, guiding me over to the shelves on the opposite side of the room that was fully stocked with band-aids and gauze pads and Ace wraps. Picking up an ace bandage, she began wrapping my hand like she's done a million times before. She could be a nurse. I'm pretty sure that with how many times she had taken care of my injuries could get her some kind of extra credit in med school. Tsubaki taped the ace bandage together and gave my hand a little pat, smiling at me slightly.

"We don't need you getting hurt as well, Black Star." I flexed my fingers and smiled back. Another memory came to me, again from when I was little, this time when I was around nine.

_Flashback_

"Oh Black Star, you're such an idiot." Maka sighed as she finished wrapping my arm with an Ace bandage. I had gotten into another fight with some punk off the streets. He had started laughing at me when I said I was going to surpass god, then the freak had the nerve to start bad-mouthing Maka! So, I had done the logical thing and punched him in the face. It had started a fight that I eventually won, but I broke my hand in the process.

"You just can't handle how big of a man I am!" I said proudly, trying to hide how much my hand hurt. Maka frowned at me as she patted my head.

"What was this fight about again?" She asked as she began to patch up my scrapes with band-aids.

"THE LITTLE PUNK HAD THE NERVE TO QUESTION MY GODLINESS!" I yelped angrily, wishing with all my heart that my voice would deepen.

"That's it? Oh Black Star, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard…"

"And he was bad-mouthing you- calling you ugly and stupid and weak." I added, knowing that it was going to tick her off. Sure enough, her face darkened as that spark of pride and determination flared up in her eyes.

"HE DID WHAT? OH THAT IDIOT!" She popped up and grabbed a book from somewhere I didn't quite see, and held it above her like a weapon. "I'm gonna Maka-Chop him into next week!" I grinned at how fast she could go from a caring, motherly figure to a determined, violent Meister in a matter of seconds.

"Hey, that guy had a couple of buddies with him. We could go teach them a lesson for helping him… are you interested?" I smirked, knowing the answer. She took me arm and dragged me out the door.

"Oh hell yeah! You can just punch with your left fist. But," A mad glint came into her eyes as she grinned. "I don't think you'll have much to do in this fight."

_Flashback ends_

Even at seven, Maka still managed to beat up all three of that one kids friends. I'm pretty sure I was the one who taught her to swear, too. Oh, I'm such a horrible yet epic role model. I wish she'd Maka-Chop me for going on and on about myself again. What if she didn't wake up? I looked back over to her sleeping form. Tsubaki touched my arm softly.

"Black Star, please stop blaming yourself! It won't help anything, especially because it's not your fault!" She begged, her indigo eyes gazing at him sadly. "There's nothing you could have done, Black Star."

"I highly doubt that." I replied seriously. "Here, we'll make a deal. I'll stop blaming myself as you stop blaming yourself." She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "But you actually have to mean it. You can't just say because you want me to feel better." I saw her mouth close, her the tips of her ponytail swaying as she looked at her feet sadly.

"Hey guys. Spirit moved his stash, so I just got some pop out of a vending machine." Soul said as he walked in, tossing me a Coke. I caught it swiftly with my good hand before giving it to Tsubaki. I wasn't really in the mood.

"She didn't wake up." Soul said. It wasn't a question, just a simple fact. But it seemed to be mocking us, laughing at our pain. I sat on the floor next to Maka and leaned on the bed. Soul took a swig of his root beer before collapsing into the plastic chair and resting his head next to Maka's side again. Tsubaki took to rearranging the shelves to they would be symmetrical for when Kid came to take her mind off her worry and concern. A timid knock came at the door, which was still busted in from when Stein kicked it in his hurry to save Maka. Now it was Liz that stood in the doorway, her arms crossed across her chest and her lower lip trembling.

"Hey guys. Mind if I come in?" She asked. Soul gave her a thumbs-up without raising his snowy head from Maka's side. Liz shuffled in, and I noticed with surprise that Kid and Patti weren't with her. I would have thought Kid would have a panic attack without the twins together, because wouldn't it ruin that nutcase's symmetry? Oh well.

"Is Maka alright? Has she woken up yet?" I could hear Tsubaki inhale sharply.

"N-not yet." Tsubaki whispered. Liz's eyes watered, but she closed them quickly. She went over to Tsubaki and helped her rearrange the shelves. The class bell rang, but no one made a move to leave. I guess we either all had permission to stay with Maka or we were all skipping. I think the latter is more likely. I looked at Maka, who almost looked like she was frowning in that way she did before she Maka-Chopped someone.

"Come on Maka." I whispered quietly. "Wake up for me. For Soul and Tsubaki and Liz and Patti and Kid. We all miss you." I lowered my head and said something I haven't said in a long time, but I think the situation called for it.

"Please."

**(1) This was totally me and my friends. We used to think that making Pinkie promise was the most serious thing a six year old could do. I have absolutely no idea why, but it was fun to think like that again :D**

**EMOTIONAL BLACK STAR! OMD My imagination is bigger then I realized to have come up with something as unrealistic as an emotional Black Star. lol just kidding.**

**Review or the giraffe gets it *holds up giraffe* **

**Patti: HAHAHA SNAP IT'S NECK!**

Me: HAHAHAHA YEAH!

Patti: Wanna go get ice cream?

**Me: ... Eh, sure. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Please read. This is very important. **

Hey everyone, Ivy here. I'm sorry about not updating in so long. A lot of things have happened that caused my long absence, like developing cancer and getting a boyfriend (Rinnie. Who would have thought?). Now, I'm recovering from cancer, and I was released from the hospital. However, I can't find nthe motivation, energy or inspiration to write anymore. That's why, as of February 22, 2013 I'm officially putting all of my stories up for adoption. I'll be sure to inform you of who takes on what story do you can continue reading them. I don't want to see my stories cut off where they are (they all have cliffhangers), so if you'd like to continue one of my stories, PM me at any time. Once all of my stories have another willing author, I'll say goodbye to Fanfiction and focus my efforts on gettin better and spending more time with my family, friends and boyfriend. Thanks so much to everyone that read my stories, added them to their favorites/alerts, commented, and just supported this crazy 15 year old girl as I tried my hand at writing.

Love you all, thanks so much!

-Ivy


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